shaving & body hair
August 22, 2007
How often do *you* shave? Shaving the body is such an interesting ritual: sensual, compelling, possibly painful! Products abound to enable us to rid our bodies of hair. Swimmers do it, I assume, to enhance their speed in the water…but what about the rest of us?
I was in my early teens when I started shaving, and I don’t remember *not* having a strong sense of shame about the dark, thick hair that grew (and still grows) on my legs & arms. There’s a myth that shaving makes hair grow back darker, but mine started out course & heavy.
Are there elements of masochism & self-torture in this ritual? Why do we feel compelled to be hairless? Why is hair ok on some parts of our body, but our mainstream media ridicule female celebrities who are caught off-guard with their armpit hair showing?
Entry Filed under: shaving. .
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1.
elmo | August 22, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Oh, it’s such a good question … why do we feel compelled to shave our legs and armpits? Just today, I was talking with some colleagues, and I raised my arm for a moment. I noticed a couple of glances toward my armpit and thought: “crap! I forgot to shave under my arms!!!” See yesterday, I realized that, as I signaled to turn on my bicycle, my armpit hair was visible. I thought, “Oh no, my armpits are hairy!”, and I told myself to go home and shave, but I forgot, obviously. But after reading your post, I think why do I care again? I vacillate between wanting to shave and not wanting to shave, shaving and not shaving. I shave if I am going to be showing my legs and going to be around a lot of people (i.e., wearing shorts and going to the store). If I ask myself now, “what exactly made me think I needed to shave my armpits if my underarm hair is visible when I bike,” I find that the answer, which is hard to come to or admit, is: I am afraid of being judged and what that might bring. I am afraid of the reaction from others …. maybe homophobia, or maybe masochism and this idea that women are not supposed to have hair under their arms and if they do, they are a “freak” or “weird.” I am afraid because sometimes these reactions by others to things that differ from “the norm” can lead to violence. And when I am on my bicycle, I am already a target and doing something out of the norm. I think, well, I wear shorty-shorts on my bicycle, because I look more feminine, and guys are instantly much nicer (that is, not yelling insults any more), but if I forget to shave, I will be “weirder” and less attractive in their eyes and they may not be nice any more. That’s why I felt I needed to shave under my arms, and I got a little bit of a nervous feeling in my stomach when I realized I hadn’t. Of course, I did not feel nervous today when my colleagues noticed my armpit hair simply because I don’t feel threatened by them … they are my friends. Oh well. Just my two cents.
2.
Pam | August 22, 2007 at 8:10 pm
I shave my legs daily even if I won’t be showing them. I find my own hairy pits and legs disgusting but I don’t judge others for not shaving.
3.
the opoponax | August 22, 2007 at 11:35 pm
I definitely felt shamed into starting to shave, back when I was 11. I was the last girl in my grade to start, and even though my body hair isn’t terribly dark or coarse, I was teased endlessly about my “hairy” legs, etc. I never saw the point in shaving, never liked shaving, and when I stopped shaving I found it quite a liberating experience.
At this point I shave my legs and underarms once every few months, usually due to some special situation like a trip to the beach, wedding, visit from my my mother (some battles just aren’t worth fighting), etc. If only I had the balls to let it all hang out in those situations, I’d never shave at all.
In terms of judgement from others, I don’t really care unless it’s someone I’m close to, like my mom. What do I care if some random stranger on the subway gets a glimpse of my pit hair? What are they going to do? Shoot me?
4.
em | August 23, 2007 at 3:44 am
I stopped shaving some time ago, while I was at college. I didn’t experience too much anxiety about it, although I always wore long pants and I wore a long robe when I went down the hall to the shower. I even had enough confidence to have a short fling with a guy, where we had sex a few times. Then I graduated and lived with my parents for several months. I know they noticed. I started having anxious dreams in which I would catch myself out in public with my legs or armpits exposed — kind of like your classic going-to-work-in-your-underwear dreams. The dreams persisted for months. It was funny how just the added scrutiny from my parents (I was self-employed, so no pressure to fit in at work!) was enough to get me worried in a deep way. opoponax: i guess we’re in the same boat with the extra worries about judgment from close family members…
I’ve now moved and started graduate school and am still trying to figure out what to do with my body hair. I still can’t bring myself to wear shorts in public. I’ve been surprised at how hard it’s been to overcome the fear of people seeing it. I’m mildly transgressive in other areas of my appearance without much angst, dressing androgynously and not wearing makeup. So why the worry? Is it because I’m not quite convinced of my own reasons for doing it? My first one seems pretty incontrovertible: shaving takes time and razor blades. My second is more political, and comes in two parts: (a) women naturally do have hair on their legs and armpits after all. (I realized at one point, having shaved since adolescence, that I didn’t know what an adult woman’s leg hair looked like. I initially quit shaving mainly as a personal experiment.), and (b) I think there’s sexism inherent in the double standard that lets men, but not women, show their leg hair. (It sends the message that men’s bodies are desirable just as nature made them, while women’s need to be processed and modified to be acceptable.)
I’m unreservedly convinced of both my reasons on a conscious, rational level, and I personally like my legs, but I still can’t show them to the rest of the world. If people only thought my unshaven legs were unsexy, I wouldn’t be worried (they may well think my customary grungy jeans are unsexy), but somehow I feel that people will be shocked and offended by seeing hairy legs on a woman. (elmo notes: “sometimes these reactions by others to things that differ from “the norm” can lead to violence”, so perhaps I’m not alone here. and btw, just the other day I was on my bike and kept pulling my elbows in to hide my armpit hair!) Maybe this is the problem. Maybe it’s just my please-everyone personality.
And as a side note, I’m not even talking about hairy legs with a skirt. Even a pair of knee length, boyish shorts seem inconceivable, and pants with sandals, where you might catch a glimpse of hair around the ankles, make me nervous.
5.
skyscraper | August 23, 2007 at 4:02 pm
em – I know what you mean. I don’t shave my legs as a normal thing. I am not embarrassed by it. I will wear capri pants or long-ish shorts but not my swimsuit.
I just don’t like shaving. I have to shave everyday if I want to be hairless. Maybe I am lazy? That is what my mother says. Of course old mothers forget what it is like to have a full time job, a lot of kids, a husband, house chores, etc.
My arm pits are the opposite. I shave them everyday – sometimes twice. I don’t like globs of deoderant!
6.
e | August 26, 2007 at 5:59 pm
I shaved my legs a couple of years ago just for fun. Mostly, I really hate the way it feels. Yuk!
My mother struggled hard to keep me from shaving my legs when I was 12 or so. She wanted me to dye my leg hair with peroxide. She believed that only “loose women” shaved their legs. She had a good deal of the Victorian in her, and there is some suggestion that leg shaving was popularised by GIs after WWII because foreign prostitutes shaved to avoid lice. The other popular theory is that it was razor companies and advertising.
I shave my face every day. I don’t have enough facial hair (yet!) for a beard, so I think it just looks weird. I let it grow for a couple of weeks this summer, but it itched.
I work from home, so I don’t have a lot of pressure to conform to the norm. When I worked as a real go-to-court lawyer, I wore long skirts, opaque hose or pants.
7.
Suzanne | August 26, 2007 at 11:55 pm
I shaved my legs and armpits a couple of times a week in the summer and a little less often in the winter from the time I was 12.
For many years, every time I shaved my legs and underarms I felt resentful. I could hear my mother commenting. I felt like I was shaving my legs solely to keep my mother happy. (she also commented on my not wearing lipstick, but that’s for another blog) Every single time I shaved my legs, standing in the shower with one leg propped up in the corner, I got angry. Why was I doing this? Why did we women have to alter ourselves to be acceptable? Why was the threat of hearing my mother’s comments so powerful? Then, when I was 38, after 26 years of being angry about shaving my legs for my mother, she died of ovarian cancer. The odd thing is that I continued to shave my legs. The resentment melted away. I had to admit, then, that I shave my legs for myself, not for her after all. I shave my legs to feel soft and smooth and feminine–once or twice a week in the summer and a little less often in the winter. I shave my legs when I think my girlfriend and I will have the opportunity and energy to be intimate. On the rare occasion when both my girlfriend and I have shaved our legs on the same day, we feel exceptionally soft together. I like that. Now, I do still like the way she feels when she doesn’t shave or when I don’t. Both feelings are nice. But I most decidedly do not shave my legs for my mother.
8.
cornerkick | January 20, 2008 at 5:30 am
I quit shaving everything lately. I won’t be able to wear little bikini bottoms anymore, but that’s ok; pubic hair is really socially innapropriate to have hanging out. I really find it attractive when women are confident enough to let their hair grow out. I really want to be comfortable enough with this choice to be confident, but it has been hard. I actually had a relapse last summer (broke down and shaved my armpits) and I felt defeated. I know that the reasons for shaving are superficial and unnecessary and I am finally starting to be able to wear my body-hair casually, not self-consciously. I want to make peace with my body, and my body makes hair.
9.
sally | February 21, 2008 at 1:51 am
I am working on a blog post about body hair. I really appreciate all your comments. I am half Puerto Rican, half African American and I wax my chin, neck, chest, happy trail, bikini line, and I shave my legs and pits. I went for a few years without shaving my armpits and legs. Loved the armpit hair, didn’t like the look of my leg hair.
I really don’t understand why hair is such a big deal. It’s frustrating because I really want to be someone that stands up for her convictions, but dealing with people’s horror at my armpit hair was actually more work than shaving.
My facial hair is something that I actually feel some shame about. I got teased a lot about it growing up and in college. Growing up in a primarily white area did not make this easier. White women simply do not have as much hair as I do. Most men, particularly white men, do not understand this.
I had the idea to write a blog post about this after listening to the Vagina Monologues this week. I realized that I am perfectly comfortable talking about my vagina, but I am really uncomfortable talking about my unwanted body hair. I hate to overplay the gender and race cards, but I really feel like in this area I am being forced to conform to a European standard of beauty. It’s not just other people, either — I feel less attractive with hair.
10.
Laura | April 5, 2008 at 1:39 am
I only stopped shaving a couple of weeks ago, but I would like to make the following point: it seems absolutely ridiculous to me that we are forced to defend a LACK of action. The question should not be “why don’t you shave,” but ” why DO you?” Women who shave their legs go considerably out of their way in terms of time, money, effort, sometimes pain, and I bet you that very few of them could actually tell you WHY if you asked.
I don’t shave my legs because I gave it some thought, and simply came to the conclusion that there was no reason TO do it.
11.
Lauren | May 20, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I decided in the beginning of high school to stop since I really only started because my dad and stepmom made fun of me for having hairy legs. I’m in my last year and though I do get some weird looks, the guy who is interested in me said that he doesn’t even mind, and was actually playing with my leg hair one day.
I’ve been asked why I don’t and I always tell them that I don’t think I need to waste the time and money to keep up that sort of thing. I do know girls my age who don’t during the winter, and some in the spring even, but are too embarassed to show it. I walk around in gym in shorts and have actually been told by some of my friends that they’d like to be as confident as me when it comes to their legs.
I trim my pubic hair just because I don’t like it to look extremely messy, and sometimes I am a little embarassed about my armpit hair even though that’s my favorite place to keep it. I’ve also noticed that I don’t sweat nearly as much as I did when I shaved.
12.
Staci | June 13, 2008 at 9:34 pm
I shaved in junior high because I had more hair than most girls my age and was too afraid to be different. In high school I stopped, and the major issue was guy’s reactions, because, I think a lot of insecure high school boys felt hair threatened their masculinity. But there were some mature ones. The best answer, to teenagers who asked seriously and say it’s messy, unhygienic, or manly is to say you think it’s sexy and that guys like it. Now, they will freak, but they end up stopping asking questions. Answering cuts get infected doesn’t work, because they will say, there are no airborne bacteria… But as you get older, less people care. Just be careful not to dress in a masculine manner if you don’t shave and are straight, because most butch lesbians don’t shave. Or that’s how it seems to people. Personally, I feel sexy with my hair, but many women do not. It’s marketing, but it worked. Guys tend to worry, but only the shallow immature ones. Now, most guys have a preference for shaven legs and armpits, due to marketing again, but a fair number don’t mind. If a guy won’t date you because of your natural healthy body, is he really one you want to date?
13.
Lisa Simeone | July 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm
A bit too much is being made of the “marketing made me do it” excuse. In fact, more than a bit.
At many times throughout history, in many different cultures, the shaving of body hair has been the norm. It’s not some 20th/21st century conspiracy by money-grubbing marketers. In Ancient Rome, for instance, hairlessness was desirable for a time. Men called depilators worked in the public baths. Stories abound of the cries and yelps of both the depilators and their subjects.
Of course you can always ask, “why do we shave our body hair”? Why do men shave their beards? Why not just let them grow as long as they grow? (Yes, I know some do.) Why get haircuts? Why not just let the hair on our heads grow as long as it grows? (Yes, I know some do.) Why shave anything, anywhere? After all, it’s all “natural.”
But then why do anything that’s not “natural” (a highly problematic term no matter how you slice it)? Why wear clothes? Why wear different colors? Why wear make-up? (Oh, here we go — I know how some women feel about make-up.) Why any grooming of any kind at all? It’s not “natural.”
Fashions come and go, preferences come and go, ideals of beauty come and go, in all societies, everywhere, at all times, all over the world. It’s a human impulse. The impulse towards aesthetics — however you define it and however it might manifest at different times in history. So please don’t make it into some profound political statement. It’s just not.
14.
Aileen | August 9, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I think the best way 2 get rid of unwanted hair is 2 go 2 a beauty clinic and have a permanent hair removal laser treatment. You can get rid of leg hair, underarm hair, even upper lip hair (if you have a mustache) permanently. I can’t shave because my mom won’t allow me to. She seyz your hair will grow longer and thicker. Even my mom has hair-free legs, and tells me she doesn’t shave! I have this insecurity where I don’t like showing my legs. My pits are fine, because I don’t shave them, I use this special thing where they warm up this liquid and put on your pits and they rip it off and POOF! your hair is suddenly gone. But you can still see very short fine hair, but it’s not visible. So try that permanent laser thing, because I’m going 2 try it and that’s probably the best thing 4 removing unwanted hair.
15.
Robert | September 23, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Every January my wife stops shaving for 4 months (by my choice). She loves the freedom of the razor and less time in the shower. She plays indoor tennis and is sometimes concerned of being noticed for hairy legs and armpits.
I absolutly love it after two months go by and the hair fills in. I’ll lay at night next to her while she’s asleep and run my fingers through her newly grown forrest.